Mother of Pearl!

Hee haw! Forgot I had this blog thang. Been whoring my ideas/thoughts/rants to myspace land.

A list of my summer accomplishments:

1) Buried a fella in sand up to his neck in Cape May. (Also frolicked in the waters for about 9 hours.)

2) Sang lots of Karaoke sober.

3) Had my first surgery ever. My last words before going under were "There are gnomes rubbing my legs."

4) Had my first drugged dreams.

5) Spent 7 weeks healing a wound where the sun don't shine.

6) Went to a GUSTER concert up in Saratoga Springs. (rightfully acted like a complete ass-- *see 5)

7) Went on a boat ride with friends and hummed loudly into the wind.

8) Bought a laptop. Wrote and recorded songs!

9) Ate a snickers apple at the DC Fair. (And bumped into people I knew when I had nuts up my nose and caramel on my face...)

This is the boring-est post ever. Can't wait 'til ski season, homies...

Mo' Hair, Mo' Problems

For anyone who knows me, you know that I have a lot of hair... long, flowy, sweet-smelling brown hair.

When I was little, I used to complain about it. My mother would brush it every morning, and "tangles" were never fun. Despite the setback of assorted knots and bumps, she would tell me time and time again (in her Bronx accent), "Ya gonna love ya haih..."

As I got older I began to realize that she was indeed right. I can do just about anything with my hair. With updos, the sky's the limit. Curls billow down, and I can style it about 7,000 ways. As a teacher it's fun having a different 'do each day.

So if the hair's so great, what's the problem? My dad (fluffing his remaining "poof" daily) would never stand to hear me complain about such an abundance. He's actually joked that he wouldn't mind a donation or two. (My hair would make a kickin' toupee. :-P)

Here goes...

Problem #1- My hair clogs the drain. I never thought it would require Drain-o every other week to keep the water draining smoothly. I actually never knew that mine fell out.

Problem #2- My hair breaks vacuums. Since I live solo, there is no one else to blame. I actually (grossly) had to cut my hair out of the vacuum, and, most recently, the darn thing has decided to give up altogether. Why can't the cheap Dirt Devils actually handle hair? I never knew such limitations until I witnessed all the hair that actually does fall out, while still leaving me long and lush.

So, while I won't really complain, it would be nice if the fine people who make drains and vacuums could think up "hair-eating" options for the cranially-keratin plentiful. And if these devices could follow me forever, that would be even better. I am moving soon, and want to be done with the added expenses of new vacuums and foaming pipe snake.

Taste-Testing with Mr. Yuck >:P

That little warning on candy bars that says "may contain peanuts" isn't a joke at all. People really do have peanut allergies so severe that kissing someone who's donned a piece of toast with da butta and eaten it 9 hrs earlier could kill... within minutes....

Allergies aside, which are making me more and more "nuts" about how I handle foods (pun absolutely intended), have you ever done something really stupid to the chagrin of all the fine folks writing the warning labels on the backs of products?

I once tasted Windex because I thought it was a pretty color. Luckily you can't die by a dab on the finger, but had I taken a mighty swig of the pristine, blue "streak warrior," I might not have made it to the age of blogging and myspace glory. (Imagine that.) And luckily all crayons are non-toxic 'cause I've eaten the tip of one of those too...

As a toddling tot, I once stuck a paperclip in an electrical outlet. This apparently didn't learn me nothin' because only years later you'd find me at it again, this time sticking a moistened finger in a "where the lightbulb goes" part of a plugged-in lamp hosting no bulb. I actually did it repeatedly, wondering why my finger stayed stuck there with tingles running up my arm.

In my adult life I can attribute at least part o' the crazy pie I operate from to the poisons I've consumed and the electrocutions I sustained as a young child. This shouldn't spell out a safety freak, but in my windex-soaked, crayola-colored world, it **zzzzap!** does. Just ask my school children what happens if their granola bar happens to "may contain peanuts" or how many lessons they get on "scissor safety" before earning their safety blades...
My face should be on a sticker.

BARNUM!

Come one, come all and JOIN THE CIRCUS!

4th Wall Productions in association with Cunneen-Hackett Arts Center Proudly Present:

BARNUM- (A Musical based on the life of the circus great, P.T. Barnum)
Cunneen-Hackett Arts Center
12 Vassar Street
Poughkeepsie, NY 12601

Friday, April 21st @ 8PM
Saturday, April 22nd @ 8PM
Sunday, April 23rd @3PM

Friday, April 28th @ 8PM
Saturday, April 29th@ 8PM
Sunday, April 30th @ 3PM

Adults- $15, Students/Seniors- $12

For Tickets/Reservations, please call: 497-1390
or visit www.4thwallproductions.net